blue 27 May 2008
Strange when you are working busily and enjoying it, yet get home a bit down and blue. I’d say at the moment I am happy and I am loving working with everyone on Hell’s Pavement (the movie I told you about) but life, and staying ‘up’, is such a delicate balance. I feel a little blue, to be honest. I think it’s simply that I am tired (however fulfilled the film work is making me) and that makes the poor old mind and body get a bit stressed within itself. It magnifies problems and worries. And it doesn’t matter how much I tell myself that a good night’s sleep will sort this out, that good night’s sleep might not be possible. For example, I’ll be getting up at 5.15am tomorrow to be ready to be collected at 6am for work and, unless we finish early, I’ll be on duty till 7pm. Then it’s the journey home which is an hour (minimum) so I’ll be in the door, with tremendous luck, at 8pm. If I go straight to bed then, without doing my blog or catching up with life via email and calls, I have the chance of 9 hours sleep, but that rarely happens and every quarter hour clawed back from there is trebly sorely missed the following morning. This is a heavy week for me so what I have just described is the set-up of every day till Saturday. And within it is eff all time for the novel (I am still scribbling notes and sometimes whole sections and haven’t forsaken it AT ALL but it feels like snatched moments, and unstructured) and I want to give it more. This week is a bitch, really. And I will try to get as much sleep as possible to stave off the blues but, as I say, when you hit an imbalance there is only so much the mind and body can do for you. So I am off to score as many zeds as possible now to be ready to put on a happy face for tomorrow. But I’ll be glad if there’s a tasty break soon so that I can get back to those glorious times when I will write, pet that creature in Dublin… and the cat too (do you see? do you see what I did there?) and streamline the garden in readiness for the builders’ arrival (at which time I think we’ll find the McLynn mind and body will have new ways to eat into the old sleep). I need a long lie down again. Night now x
