tits 7 June 2009
Thought of something else on the boobage issue – apparently the great American golfer Nancy Lopez has tackled the issue that women have extra bits with a special section of a book on golf dedicated to ‘Tuck Your Titties’ – no man could or would think of that…although some lads are as well endowed in the chest area as any female counterpart.
Had a lovely relaxing day at home doing very menial tasks that I thoroughly enjoyed, including a bit of handwashing clothes while gazing out of the kitchen window. One plus to the garden running wild is that the brambles are going nuts and I am clearly going to have a bumper crop of blackberries for free later in the year. It’s particularly heartening to see that the bees love them and also the buttercups that have taken over from the early dandelions (which have seeded all over, no doubt, and are getting ready to do it all over again soon – actually is that true or is their ‘season’ over?). And after the lashing we took last night the evening weather was most pleasant indeed. So, a little respite, but the travelling starts tomorrow again – London, Manchester, London, Dublin and all by Friday.
wing 6 June 2009
Our Jam and Jerusalem director always has great stories of the people who live in her village. Yesterday she was talking about those women who GET ON WITH IT no matter what – including one who literally walked home to get help having lost a foot to the hay baler. She also described a great old lady who simply tucks her boobs into the top of her high waisted trousers to get them out of the way (they’re useless according to herself and don’t even warrant a bra) and my own personal favourite the woman who lost her breasts to cancer and now refers to herself as being ‘a wing down’ – priceless.
It’s winter again, which is dreary. I travelled London to Dublin today to check on the G and the Hubby – both are fine – and got drenched in two countries as a result. It’s also COLD and that’s like the final slap in the face as far as I’m concerned. I had hoped to get a bit of gardening done while here but I can’t see any way that will happen unless I row a boat around it trimming as I go. Lovely early-to-bed sober night now listening to the howling wind and rain and feeling safe and cosy under the duvet – that’s the only good thing I can say about it all – I practically have trench foot just looking out at it.
more than we thought 5 June 2009
OK last night I declared I was the squarest woman alive and no one can challenge that (well, see below). SO, on the last shooting day of JAM AND JERUSALEM (today) and on the back of David Carradine (at 72 or so) dying of a sex act, I was reminiscing on the Member of Parliament (UK – it could NEVER happen in Ireland…clearly) who was found strung up with an orange in his mouth and I posited the ‘fact’ that it was cos of the vitamin C – er, NO, it was cos the friggin orange was full of amyl nitratate – THAT is HOW SQUARE I AM – never knew! I am more likely to say to a guy ‘how about a berocca?’ for thrills than anything else!!!
square 4 June 2009
I think I must be a very square woman. I don’t do drugs (Solpadeine, when needed) though I’ll admit I do like a drink (at times a little too much, hence the solpos). I don’t indulge in weird sexual practices as I think sex is great (if memory serves) but a bit weird anyhow. So I am a bit bemused to hear of how the actor David Carradine seems to have died – a little like Michael Hutchence, it seems. To be honest, any lack of breath worries me and doesn’t give me any thrill in the slightest – this is the back end of me being slightly asthmatic, I assume?
Tomorrow is the last shooting day of JAM AND JERUSALEM series 3 and I will miss the ladies and gents of the company very much. The difference between saying goodbye to this programme and the farewell at the end of a theatre show is that we know we will meet up again for a cast and crew viewing in a few months time and those are always very enjoyable evenings (after each of us gets over how we look in High Definition on the tv!) so it’s a temporary parting. My last scene is in a toilet – I like to think that’s fitting…
Miss Maggie Steed of the cast is thinking of a cushion cover for our proposed range with the following embellished upon it – ‘Trust in God but always tie your camel to the tree’
ellie 3 June 2009
Was reminded tonight by the shenanigans of our elected representatives of the old adage that politics is showbiz for ugly people – cruel, i know, but i think they kinda deserve it on this side of the pond at the moment be it UK or Ireland. For our American cousins, the thrust of it all is that the UK is racked by a scandal of how members of parliament are/were claiming expenses and in Ireland a massive cover-up of the State to aid the hiding of Catholic Church atrocities.
I went shopping with the youngest of the Stockwellians today, my niece Ellie, who recently turned 12 going on 25. She is LONDON through and through. We shopped for Ugly Dolls which are the cutest little things I have ever seen – I must resist them otherwise I will buy/steal/adopt every one I can lay hands on. The are basically creature made of felt with the most appealing little ‘ugly’ faces ever! While we were in the shop she found what I can truly say was just a Dust Collector – a plastic piece of toast with a face drawn on, called Mr Toast, and it was hilarious to hear her dismiss it with ‘it’s, like, so unneccessary…’
cheek! 2 June 2009
The visiting mouse is giving me the run-around. I set the humane trap yesterday during the day and with little hope of him turning up in daylight – I thought him a nocturnal chap/chapette. I didn’t have any peanut butter at the time so put some chocolate on the back wall of the device with a little halfway up to tempt him in and further…i hoped…well, when I came home I discovered he’d been and gone, had snaffled the choc I’d put halfway along and scarpered again, but not without leaving 2 small poos by the trap to signify his visit. Cheeky blighter. I have purchased peanut butter and it’s in situ now…no sign at all of the wretch today…
My mum was on duty in Dublin for the long weekend and reports that the house ain’t finished yet and there are quite a few problems raising their heads all the time. Lights tripping. Main water tank too full constantly and overflowing through the outlet pipe, thereby invading my rainwater butts and signifying another problem with the ball-cock surely…I can’t believe how many things go wrong all at once, not to mention stuff not getting done. The builders have been with us a year…on a 5 month job. Before you ask, the job was priced as the job and not by the time so it’s all round frustrating for all involved. ARGH! I am glad to be away working or I might have committed a dire unlawful act by now…
carpet 1 June 2009
Miss Rosie Cavaliero, who so brilliantly plays Kate Bales in Jam and Jerusalem, reminded me today of a very handy way of getting around and something she’d‘ve given her eye teeth for on Saturday and which I clearly needed on Friday – not a helicopter nor any such dangerous technology, but the stuff of everyone’s dreams – a magic carpet! She is so right and, come the revolution, it’s what I’ll be looking for – stylish and practical.
We were discussing the punishing schedule of gigs French and Saunders will do while in Australia and New Zealand soon – they are on 2 shows a day – but those ladies were calmed when I assured them that, like the water, time goes in the other direction Down Under – nice to be of help.
Sad to see news of the death of Danny La Rue who was one classy broad steeped in showbiz – another little bit of glitter gone from this world. Michael Billington related this gem…‘He was always full of plans. My only prolonged encounter with him came in Torquay, where I had tracked down Ken Dodd, about whom I was writing a book, and where Danny was also doing a summer show. I recall drinking into the early hours with these two showbiz legends as they envisioned a comic sketch in which Ken would play Henry VIII and Danny all of his six wives. Alas, it never materialised.’ What an image, what an idea!
Hubby 31 May 2009
Well, I did my tour of duty to the Cat Laughs Comedy Festival, as you all know, and I have more or less survived tot ell that tale – the 36 hours I spent there enjoying myself not wisely but entirely too well nearly killed me so it’s a relief to be back in Soho and ‘looking forward’ to getting up at 5.30 am tomorrow to begin my last week on Jam and Jerusalem. The Husband set up the festival 15 years ago and is still all over it like a cheap frock. He is a shadowy figure visiting the venues during gigs, checking all is well, and one year famously went about on a bicycle which, for some reason everyone found hilarious (I think he looked incongruous on the contraption, perhaps that was it). I did actually see him for all of, oooh, twenty minutes or so (in the company of some members of his family and friends) and I noticed him creep out of the bed this morning early and I suspect he had spent a few hours sleeping there by my side. That was it, though. Not complaining at all, just grinning to think how odd that must seem to people who see their spouse every day of their lives.
Shocking news relayed by my sister in law, Curly – the annual Comics’ football match between The Rest of the World and Ireland was won by The Rest of the World, and believe me that’s a blow…pride MUST be regained next year…
kilkenny 30 May 2009
I think I must be the most wanted stand-up audiences ever (whether the performers know that or not) – thing is, I love it but I don’t remember stuff for long. I have goldfish memory, if you like. What I do think is ‘oh I love this bit’ if it’s something I have seen or heard before. And so to the CAT LAUGHS festival – absolutely frickin FUNNY. I may have had the journey to beat all to get here but it was worth it. Great gigs today, including a viewing of the FA Cup Final hosted by 2 comics then 8 wonderful comedians at full throttle.
The weather has been wonderful and there was a slight breeze today in Kilkenny and the bliss got to everyone. Lads were jumping off the bridge into the river – not strictly allowed probably. The fun here is infectious and very good humoured. There ain’t much civil unrest and I think the reason is that everyone is here for a good time not confrontation. One of the Americans (a woman – YES we can be funny!) made the point – in a fab set last night – that the Irish drink much more than most nations but all we’ve invented is a strange and entertaining way of dancing whereas in the Middle East there’s no alcohol and they’re in an awful mess altogether…hmmm…I know it’s skewed reasoning, a la comedy but, hey, ain it worth thinking about?
Des Bishop is looking SO HOT…sorry, just had to let that out…
journey 29 May 2009
I have had a bit of a nightmare journey this evening to get from Shepperton Studios in the UK to Kilkenny Ireland for the Cat Laughs Comedy Festival (surely the best such festival in the world…even if I am horribly biased about it…). Along the way I called a bus driver an asshole and am not very proud of myself for that. Also Dublin’s light rail system needs to check its ticket vending machines as the 2 I tried weren’t working and I felt I couldn’t do a journey without a ticket, though everyone else in the same position was –it would look so SO bad if the ex Mrs Doyle ‘off the telly’ was caught without proper passes. So, I ended up spending a lot more money than I’d’ve liked to get from points a and b to c and d and so on. Once on the train, wich is where I am now (not quite the final leg as it’s only going to Carlow – 40 minutes from Kilkenny so I have to cab from there…) I lashed out a few miffed texts and began to relax so it was just great to see all of the wildlife out enjoying the sunshine, in particular 2 lovely rabbits having a duskus hop-about and a few miles on (luckily for the bunnies) a fox doing a bit of t’ai chi stretching in readiness for an evening’s mischief. Made a nice change from the wildlife that has invaded both of my homes recently. There has been no further sign of The Rat and the little Mr/Mrs Mouse who visits in London must have heard that I’d borrowed Sue Johnston’s humane trap and hasn’t raised his/her hairy head since. If I do catch Mousey I’ll just bring him/her a few streets away – this is a city mouse and if I bring it to Shepperton it won’t know what to do in fields of sheep and so on.