pee 6 March 2011
Well, I guess we deserved it – I noticed an ammonia-based smell while mooching today…we had asked for trouble by leaving a blow-up bed in the ‘cinema’ (or rather in front of the big tv screen) because we couldn’t get the pump to reverse and empty the thing and bit by bit it fainted over the weeks and, of course, it was also an irresistible temptation to (one or other or) both cats to piss on…and they did, one or both (we’ll never know as they refuse to snitch)…the dirty protest may be that they are finally fed up of being indoors and want out…so harnesses are to be bought tomorrow and walkies had in the wilderness that was previously my pride and joy back garden (before The Builders Incident, those many months many of you will shudder to recall). I’d love to think the 2 would just stay within the flimsy confines of that back space and answer to their names and therefore come back when called but that won’t happen so wriggling yeowling protests at leashes and restriction will be the order of the near future. Grand, so…
awwws 3 March 2011
There is a football commentator on one of the tv channels here who can’t quite say his Rs and it’s very sweet indeed – he was excited about a goal mouth incident this week and exclaimed ‘wite in fwont of the wefewee!’ and it reminded me of my nephew Jason when he was a kid and had a similar problem with his Rs (though now, at 27, he does not anymore). We would say all sorts to him to tease him and often (gently) called him a creep just to hear him say ‘i an NOT a cweep!’ Happy times. His favourite colour was a fire engine ‘WED’. and for what it’s worth one of the (now married with children) men from our street is still referred to by his childhood nickname which was and still is Creep (though not cweep, in this instance).
cricket 2 March 2011
Forget that the Irish nation may have voted for change in the recent General Election, the real joy in the country right now is that we beat England in Bangalore at the Cricket World Cup. Oh yes. And it was made all the sweeter by the heroics of Kevin O’Brien who scored the fastest ever century in cricket ever. Now, normally pundits would be saying ‘a century? who scored it OFF Ireland?’ but today it was SCORED BY. Sweet. It’s no surprise to me that we’re handy at cricket though. The Irish national game is hurling and, no, it’s not based on vomiting, though I am sure it has induced its fair share of that. Hurling is a VERY skillful game of beating a ball around a field with sticks. It is, if you like, a fast, running game of cricket crossed with attempted murder (and without the stumps). And we Irish are very good at it. So, cricket is simply a far gentler version of what comes naturally.
rejoicing 28 February 2011
There was whoopin and a-hollerin in my local vets this evening as I returned, after a break of nearly 2 years, with a cat in a box to be seen to. The rejoicing was redoubled when I broke the news that this cat in the box has a sister, so they now know they have a loyal customer back, possibly for some 20 years, barring acts of cat carnage the like of which we never want to see unless the cats are doing the carnaging and it’s just small toys (and the odd tea-cloth – v popular in this household this season for the old disembowelment practice). Already serious money has changed hands for a check-up and tonic for Miss Alice and they can’t WAIT to meet the monkey-creature, Brenda (though there’s not much wrong with her that PURE FUN won’t fix)…I’ll probably be carried shoulder high when I bring her in.
first cat 26 February 2011
my friend ian coulter sent me this – i give it to you ‘in honour of’ my life being overturned by a certain A Team recently…
Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden,you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.”
And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be areflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. No matter how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, inspite of yourselves.”
And God created a new animal to be a companion forAdam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I can’t think of a name for this new animal.”
And God said, “No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail. After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”
And God said, “No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them.
And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn’t care!
theft 23 February 2011
There’s a problem with sleeping patterns in the house right now and that’s a very controversial area to have trouble in for me. I love my sleep, and will partake at any time of day, so much so that when Himself was leaving the other morning he said he’d be a little late home and added ‘just 2 more sleeps for you, so’ – Mr Wiseguy. Since then things have gone from bad to worse…I have been sleeping badly or not at all. BUT i think I may be onto the cause of it – and yes, its a cat responsible. Miss Alison Cook is a placid, docile snoozer who does naff all else for the day and I think she is in fact STEALING all the sleep in the house. But I’m onto her now and it must (and will) stop. Dastardly behaviour, but to be expected from a Supreme Being.
full 22 February 2011
I have a repeat of the head cold so the brain is a bit bunged up at the moment. I am not always the best at paying attention to news items in passing anyhow but right now, with a general election looming in Ireland and the head not right, I am hearing of all kinds of issues I should be worried about eg today a radio programme announced it would be dealing with one of the great neglected issues = crying…em, turns out it was CRIME, though I am sure crying was and is a by product thereof. Also heard an advert for a business school saying ‘Learn now, Leave later’, which is very apt for the amount of emigration back on the Irish agenda, BUT it was in fact ‘Learn now, LEAD later.’
Perhaps this is no wonder in my life, given that I recently wrote, in a draft of a film treatment, that a sign should read ‘No Public Dancing’ but in fact typed in ‘No Pubic Dancing’ and I have still to hear someone point up the mistake…and they really are 2 different things, in fairness…
chat 21 February 2011
Himself is a great mimic and, as a lot of you will know, I think he does a brilliant and horribly accurate version of me. So, yesterday and today, he conducted a series of conversations with me about various incidents around the house, VERY accurately guessing what I was about to say from just my first ‘Richie!’. Great for me in one way, as he would get through what I had to say and his replies and then I could genuinely say ‘I’m glad we had that chat’. It’s good to talk, especially when you don;’ have to…
mash 19 February 2011
My Dad could not do without the spud. Put a ring of rice in front of him and he would go into a decline and think that you had gone quite mad. I’m a big fan of the potato myself BUT it is one of the carbs I’m not allowing myself right now (cake, as we know, is a contentious issue in the house as it turns out I’m alright at baking basic, flourless mixes and there’s a lot of denial about how much sugar/honey is going into those). So hooray for the humble cauliflower which can be mushed up with a little butter and is a brilliant substitute if you are CRAVING mash.
I’ll stop with the food updates now as, to be honest, they make me peckish and my muffin top is no longer a joke… (and it is really a top spreading over the waistband of my jeans that is down to muffins, flourless or not!)
cake 19 February 2011
In the spirit of JAM AND JERUSALEM i have been ‘caking’ with Himself at home. This is clearly to the detriment of both our waistlines. Tonight’s effort was an attempt to reduce portion size by baking the usual mixture as cupcakes…might work. It’s a flourless, ground almond-based cake and v v delicious…too delicious…i’ve been adding ground flax seed in an effort to healthify it. and because it hasn’t got flour in you could kid yourself it was ‘better’ for you, but it has honey and eggs too…and i bet it’s horribly calorific (oh alright, i KNOW it is). ah well…